Do you have beliefs about yourself and how you show up in the world that get in the way of living fully and honestly as your true self? Or keep you from even knowing who you really are?

These are often described as limiting beliefs, and I think that’s an accurate term. They’re literally beliefs that keep us stuck in some way.

Limiting beliefs are sometimes conscious, sometimes not—and create roadblocks on your path to becoming who you truly are. They block you, weigh you down, and keep you stuck. They aren’t reality-based facts, yet they feel absolutely true.

They can show up in your thoughts, emotions, and in your body. 

This is one of the reasons limiting beliefs feel so powerful. You feel them deeply. And  no amount of podcast episodes, encouragement from others, or self-help books seems to make a dent in changing them.

Why They Feel So Real

Limiting beliefs have deep roots. They’re often built on fear and shame shaped by childhood experiences. Sometimes they’re formed from things that were said to you, but often they come from what wasn’t said or done.

Children make meaning out of what they experience. For example, if your need for emotional connection wasn’t met as a child, you might have concluded that connection wasn’t important—or that something was wrong with you for needing it. That belief helped you adapt and survive then. But as an adult, it becomes a barrier to the healthy emotional and relational connections you’re wired to seek.

The fact that these beliefs are deeply rooted and feel so real and true is why affirmations alone don’t always work. Affirmations are powerful, and I’m a firm believer in using them. But for them to be embodied, you have to address the root underneath the limiting belief.

How Limiting Beliefs Sound—and Feel

Limiting beliefs are often a form of all-or-nothing thinking. They tend to show up as declarative, sweeping statements like:

• I can’t ever…
• I’ll never…
• I don’t…
• I could never…
• I’m too (much, old, fat, loud, smart)…
• I’m not ________ enough.

You can also identify limiting beliefs by how they feel in your body. They can feel like:

• A wall
• A block
• Fear
• Shame
• Feeling stuck
• A sense of heaviness or being weighed down

Everyone experiences limiting beliefs. Doubt, fear, and self-criticism are often part of the human experience. But for some people, these beliefs become crippling and significantly limit their ability to live fully.

Sometimes people are aware of their limiting beliefs, but not always. And they often don’t show up on the outside. There are many people that walk around with crippling limiting beliefs, and you would never know it. A successful CEO may look utterly confident, but privately battles shame and self-doubt every day. Limiting beliefs often live in the places others can’t see.

The Voice Behind Limiting Beliefs

There are different ways to name the voice of limiting beliefs. In her book Playing Big, Tara Mohr calls it the Inner Critic. In the ACA 12-step fellowship, it’s the inner Critical Parent. You might use different language around this.

The name doesn’t matter. What matters is recognizing that this voice is a part of you that believes it is helping in some way—it is not the whole of who you are.

Identifying it is a powerful first step.

Work With Limiting Beliefs

Shifting limiting beliefs is not a one-time event. And it’s not something meant to be done alone. This work is deep, tender, and often requires the guidance of someone who understands childhood trauma and the ways it shapes adulthood.

Here’s a framework to support the process. As you may have heard me say before, I encourage you to write by hand. You’ll connect in a deeper way if you do. And don’t filter anything. If it comes to mind, write it.

1. Name the Beliefs

Start by listing as many limiting beliefs as you can. A brain dump can be incredibly clarifying.

If you’re stuck, try completing sentences such as:

• I’ll never be good enough because…
• I can’t do it because…
• If people really knew me, then…
• I can’t use my voice because…
• I have to stay small and hidden because…
• If I try to learn this new thing, then…
• If I try this new idea, then…

2. Explore Their Origins

See if you can sense where these beliefs come from. They nearly always connect to early experiences, such as:

• Feeling like you could never do anything right
• Being made to feel that something was wrong with you
• Experiences of shame
• Not getting the guidance and direction you needed

These messages didn’t have to be overt in childhood. Children absorb meaning from energy, tone and even what isn’t said. 

3. Do the Healing Work

With an experienced therapist, begin the deeper work of connecting to the childhood experiences that contributed to the limiting beliefs that feel so true for you. Part of that will mean sharing these beliefs as a starting point—saying them out loud and inviting someone into this part of your inner world is a significant start to the healing.

But another imperative part of the process is connecting with the felt experience of those childhood experiences at the root of your limiting beliefs—the shame, sadness, fear, or loneliness you couldn’t even really let register for you as a child. 

As you connect with the reality of your experiences—what they felt like, how they impacted you—shifts will start to happen around those beliefs that have felt so true for so long.

4. Integrate Thoughtful Affirmations

Affirmations can be a helpful tool when paired with deeper healing work. But please hear me: I’m not saying to just think positive thoughts. Affirmations are most effective when they speak directly to the belief and its origin. 

For example:

Limiting belief: “I don’t know what to do.”
Root cause: Lack of guidance as a child.
Affirmation: “I’m an adult with many resources available to me.”

5. Practice Patience

The neural pathways supporting these beliefs have been there for a long time and they’re highly developed. Healing creates new pathways in the brain—but not overnight. But each little shift in your heart and thinking, each moment of connecting with the reality of your story, each time you operate out of what’s true today, that starts to strengthen the new neural network that is developing.

Take it one day at a time. Be patient with your brain. Be gentle with the parts of you that learned to survive the only way they knew how.

A Final Reflection

Limiting beliefs don’t define who you are—they reflect how you adapted. They’re made up of thoughts, emotions, and body sensations that are rooted in your childhood experiences.

Now it’s time to get curious about them so that they can start to shift. What will emerge is what’s true and real today about you and how you show up in the world. 

And the bottom line is that you have value and worth just because you exist. There’s a you-shaped space in the world that only you can fill.