Many years ago, while working on an early trauma in therapy, I had a conversation that would forever alter my path.  A dear friend shared the concept of the inner child with me. We talked about how the little part of me that experienced the trauma had to essentially retreat, while another part stepped forward and soldiered on. 

That was a major lightbulb moment for me. Somehow it just made sense, and it completely reshaped how I viewed both the part of me that carried the trauma and the parts that developed as a means of survival.

Confession: I used to dismiss the idea of the inner child. But when I discovered it was a powerful lens for understanding and connecting with my story, everything changed. It wasn’t just a shift in thinking; it was a complete life overhaul for me, and for every client I’ve guided since.

Understanding and engaging my inner child truly changed my life. It changed my life personally—I wouldn’t have experienced the depth of healing that I have without it—and it changed my life professionally. I’m certain that guiding my clients in their inner child work is a significant factor in the remarkable healing and change I’ve witnessed.

I’ve wanted to write about this topic for a long time, as it’s had such a profound impact on my healing. So, why has it taken me so long? 

To be honest, a younger part of me (a 15-year-old version of my inner child) would get activated, whispering that I didn’t have much to say, or that others could say it better. I even felt her when I sat down to write this and some of my social posts. This stuff is real! So let me start by explaining what Inner Child work means to me.

Parts vs. Inner Child

Some of you may be more familiar with the concept of working with inner parts. Parts work and Inner Child work  are often used interchangeably, and I use both. 

To me, parts is a broader term, and it’s easier for some to connect with, while the idea of my inner child brings up a different kind of tenderness and connection. When I think of turning toward a part of me that is sad, it feels different than when I think of turning toward my 4-year-old little girl self that is sad—I can sense her in a deeper way.

Think about which concept you connect with more. Does one term resonate more than the other? Sit with it and see what you notice. 

The Healing Power of Inner Child Work

The more I learn about and experience inner child/parts work, both personally and professionally, the more convinced I am that it’s a foundational component for healing from the impact of childhood trauma.

So what makes this work so powerful and healing?

One key to its effectiveness is how it engages your prefrontal cortex—your “thinking brain.” This part of your brain helps ground you in the present, allowing you to connect with the reality of your past experiences in a safe context. As you connect with the reality of your trauma, its impact, and your emotional and physical responses, you simultaneously anchor yourself in your current reality. This dual awareness provides a secure space to acknowledge what’s true and process your emotions.

Sometimes when working through trauma, your “trauma brain” takes you back into the context of your childhood: feeling alone, helpless, unsafe, powerless, and overwhelmed. However, by engaging your Adult Self and connecting with your inner child, you can experience those old emotions and body sensations within your present-day adult context. This means you can access your current capacity to manage strong emotions, draw upon your existing support systems, and lean into the foundation of your recovery.

This process is almost the opposite of how you may have coped as a child. Back then, you likely had to section off, dissociate, or compartmentalize to survive. Inner child work, however, encourages presence in your current reality as you connect with the felt experience of your childhood trauma. I believe this presence helps prevent the emotions, images, and body sensations from being overwhelming.

Ultimately, inner child work is a powerful way to begin integrating your trauma rather than keeping it compartmentalized. It brings you face-to-face with the reality of your story, which is crucial to the healing process.

But the most profound reason inner child work is so foundational to healing is  because it offers nurturing, compassion, and connection to your inner child. You’re giving the younger parts of you the love, care, and attunement that you didn’t receive when you were growing up. 

When you turn toward your inner child, you offer compassion, validation, and affirmation to wounded parts of yourself—younger parts of you that have never felt seen and known, that have felt lost, that have been hustling for a sense of worthiness as long as you can remember. That is profoundly healing.

An Introduction to Connecting with Your Inner Child

When my clients first connect with their inner child, I always suggest approaching their younger self like they would any new relationship. Be curious, spend time with them, and start to get to know them. It really is that simple. But simple doesn’t necessarily mean easy, so if you find it difficult to connect with your inner child, try to simply notice that and be curious. It will unfold.

This work is nuanced, and it can look different depending on what you’re doing—whether you’re working on a specific trauma memory or dealing with a trigger. But the core remains the same: showing up and being present. 

Don’t try to rush the connection with your inner child. Allow it to unfold naturally. If you don’t know what to say, that’s perfectly okay. Just being present is enough.

To close, let’s try an exercise together.

1. Picture a 5-year-old child, or perhaps a child you know. Notice how small they are—their little hands, their little body. Notice their limited coordination, their way of thinking, their expressions. What do they need? How vulnerable are they? What does their face look like when they laugh or cry?
2. Now, imagine this little one in a sea of adults on a busy city sidewalk. All these adults are walking past, and nobody is paying attention to this child. The child watches, hoping someone will notice them. There’s busyness, noise. Some adults walk by with angry faces, some are blank faced. Some are laughing, some are talking, but none are looking at the child.
3. Think about how that little 5-year-old would feel standing there, so much going on around them, so many people, loud noises, unfamiliar sights, all alone, having to navigate a city street by themselves.
4. As you picture this, take a moment and check in with your body. What comes up for you? What emotions or physical sensations are you aware of? How do you feel toward this little one?
5. Now, think of this child as your little self on that sidewalk. What do you notice now? Did anything shift for you emotionally or physically?
6. Next, change the scene to what your 5-year-old world was actually like. Whatever your version of that “city street” is, picture that. What was your world like when you were 5? Maybe you see yourself at the dinner table, and everyone is fighting, and you’re sitting there not knowing what to do. Maybe you see yourself playing alone, and no one has checked on you for hours. Perhaps your version of the “city street” was being given a task with no direction or help, then getting in trouble when you didn’t get it right.
7. If you can see it, turn toward your precious 5-year-old self and let them know that they are no longer alone. That they have an Adult Self that will be there for them now.
8. Pause again, take a breath and get grounded in the current moment.

What did you notice during this exercise? Did it bring up anything surprising for you? 

Inner child work isn’t just a therapeutic technique; it’s a profound journey back to yourself. It’s about offering attunement, compassion, and nurturance to the parts of you that have silently carried the pain of past experiences. This work isn’t easy, but the experience of connecting with your younger self—seeing them, validating their experiences, and providing the love they yearned for—is truly transformative.

I’ll leave you with a few questions to consider:  How connected do you feel to your own inner child? How has that connection (or lack of connection) impacted your healing journey? 

What’s one small step you can take today to offer compassion to your own inner child?