It’s mid-December and you may be caught up in the buzzing energy of this time of year. You might have year-end tasks at work, more functions to attend, your family of origin to see, and a growing to-do list.

Before you continue reading, stop and check in with your body. What do you notice? Are you holding your breath? Is there tension anywhere in your body? Do you notice intense energy? I invite you to pay attention to all that’s happening inside of you at this time of year.

But let’s be honest—it’s not just the time of year, is it?

Yes, things are a wee bit more hectic this time of year, but intensity can show up anytime. For those of us with a trauma history, it’s usually a familiar feeling, whether you’re aware of it or not. That’s why we don’t realize we haven’t taken a deep breath all day, or that our shoulders are hunched up to our ears.

This intense energy keeps us on our guard, keeps us in our head, keeps us away from connecting with our heart and our emotional experience.

When we lived with uncertainty, fear, and confusion as children, our brains and our bodies were in a heightened state of vigilance. For most of us, that was our state of being all the time. It’s what we know. We had ways of coping with it. It’s so, so familiar. So when life gets busy, when there’s a buzz of intensity around us, we tend to go right along with it.

Couple busyness and buzzy energy with being around your family of origin, and you’ve got fertile ground for old adaptive strategies to kick in. We disconnect from our bodies. We don’t pay attention to what we need. We push through.

But what if you did things differently? If rather than just getting through, you stopped and got connected with yourself?

Notice your initial response to that idea. Does it feel relieving? A little scary? Both? 

What would it look like to do things differently? How do you not just “push through”? There’s not one answer to that, but here are some suggestions:

Breathe – Yep. Breathe. Of course you’re breathing, but are you breathing deeply? Do you tend to hold your breath? How we’re breathing makes a difference in how we feel physically, managing our stress response, helping us get grounded. 

Deeper, slow breaths activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which lets our brain and body know it’s safe to relax. Whereas shorter fast breaths can activate your sympathetic nervous system, which tells your body to get ready for fight, flight, or freeze.

A few times a day, try breathing in through your nose with an extended exhale through your mouth. See if that helps your system. You may want to set a reminder on your phone to do this.

Move – We often think of movement in relation to stress or tension as it relates tof running, intense exercise, etc. And that can be helpful—but it’s not the only type of movement that can be. And if that’s all you do, it may not help you balance your nervous system.

Consider more gentle and intentional movement, as well. Stretching, going for a walk, doing simple yoga poses. Something as simple as getting up to walk across the room can be helpful if you’re feeling activated.

Drink Water – For real. Our body system needs to stay hydrated to function properly, but that’s not the main reason  I offer this suggestion.

I suggest paying attention to your water intake because it’s a way to nourish, support, and connect with your body. When we offer ourselves support and connection, we’re able to be more grounded and present for ourselves, others, and our experiences.

Practice Gratitude – I don’t mean simply think happy thoughts. Nothing wrong with happy thoughts—happy thoughts are great! But gratitude is much more than that. I also don’t mean finding things to be grateful for as a way to push aside difficult emotions. It’s important that a practice of gratitude is held in the context of everything happening for you in any given moment.

What I do mean is this: note feelings of gratefulness in the context of your whole life. Sometimes a gratitude practice can feel very joyful. But sometimes you might feel gratitude and pain or sorrow at the same time. And other times connecting with gratitude moves you more deeply into sadness. All of these feelings can exist in the same space. 

As you practice gratitude, you may notice that it gives you perspective, which can often help us maintain serenity in the middle of difficult situations.

Connect With Yourself – Take some time to connect with your heart and body. Constant activity, whether it’s in your head (constant buzzing thoughts in your mind) or staying busy, isn’t helpful for your nervous system and overall well-being.

Connecting with yourself can help you stay grounded and maintain some level of serenity during a time of year that’s hectic and difficult for many. 

Everything on the list so far (breathing deeply, movement, etc.) are examples of ways to connect with yourself. What works best is unique to everyone, but here are some other ideas:

Take a few minutes of quiet and stillness in the morning. 

Don’t play music or podcasts in the car.

Listen to a guided meditation—even something as short as a minute or two can be helpful.

Stay aware of bodily cues throughout the day (hunger, thirst, when you need a break, etc.).

Connect With Others – If you do nothing else on this list, do this one. In particular with others who are also on a path of healing.

Spending time with acquaintances and safe family members can be fun, and many of us do that during the holiday season. But I think it’s important to prioritize connection with those who are doing their own healing work. They can support you in ways that others can’t.

Our fellow travelers in recovery remind us that we’re not on our own, they point us toward tools that are grounding and supportive, and they offer insight that those who aren’t on a path of recovery can’t. And that’s invaluable to our recovery and our serenity.

At the beginning of this post, I asked you to pause, take a breath, and check in with yourself. I invite you to do that again now. What do you notice? 

Finally, I want to remind you that everything on this list is something that can be helpful any time of year, not just during busy and buzzy December.